And The Walls Came Tumbling Down

Saturday, March 26, 2016 Ammar Anwar 0 Comments Category : ,

Ammar Anwar
2nd Year MBBS

"I think you know that I've got no other choice," smirked Mr. Adam. "All the evidence points towards you - you've got nothing to support your case."
Every word uttered by Adam was like a bullet to my heart. As he went on about my helplessness in the situation, my heart beat progressively increased.
"But you know I didn't do anything, don't you?"
I tried to defend myself. A failed attempt.
"When you say that Mr. John did this, I want to believe you. Trust me,  really do. But you're not giving me any reason to."
I felt a drop of sweat running down my forehead.
"Mr. Adam, please try to believe. I have not done anything like this before ever and I wouldn't even think of selling corporate secrets to a rival firm when I have been loyally serving this firm for more than a decade and half." I desperately tried to plead my case again.
"Mr. John did not sell those files to ASCORP. Believe me, I know that. I do want to trust you but the circumstances..."
Anything Adam said afterwards was just white noise for me. I could feel my heart throbbing heavily against my chest as it would burst out any moment. My forehead glistened with sweat and my mind prepeared itself for what Adam was about to say.
"I'm left with no other choice. I'm afraid I'm going to have to fire you."
As Adam said these words, I suddenly fell to the ground. This was the moment that shattered me completely. I had been framed by an ignorant bigot who had no concern for my services to the firm. He had entrapped me in a situation from which there was no escape. I had lost my job, my decade long hardwork and respect in the eyes of my colleagues.
I had hit rock bottom.
But this was not the highlight of my day.


"Oh, so you want to blame me for everything, huh?"
My wife screamed furiously at me. Her rage was out of control.
"I am through with you. You lost your job but that is not the only thing that you're losing today, you jerk."
Her words were like nails being hammered into my brain. She moved inside the room and started packing her bags.
"You expect me to believe that everything is going to get better? It is NEVER going to get better! Don't you see that? Never, ever! I am stuck in a rut and have been ever since I made the terrible, unfortunate decision of marrying you."
She took the bags outside and opened the trunk of the car.
I couldn't move. I couldn't get out of my seat. It was as if an invisible rope held me there while some invisible hammer banged against my forehead. A steam engine ran inside my chest, burning each and everything inside me, crushing my heart as it went along.
She took the kids by the arms and moved them towards the car.
"This is it. I'm leaving you for good this time. Do yourself a favor and stop thinking I'll ever return to this hell."
She slammed the door shut behind her as she went outside.
I still couldn't get up.
It was not only the job that I'd lost. It was my family, too.


As I drove to the cliff, the warm air sifted through my hair. My hands could not keep calm on the steering wheel and I felt like I was losing my grip. A million thoughts hit my head at once. How could I have lost so much in one day. My life had crumpled infront of me. All the walls of the home that I had tried building had come tumbling down and the rubble had fallen right on top of me.
I got out of the car as I reached the cliff. I had made my mind. I needed to get out of the mess that was my life and the only way out was to kill myself. Yes. I had decided to attempt suicide. It was the only way out of my own hell.
I got near the edge of the cliff and stood there silently as I looked down, my heart racing. It was deep enough to think me.
"Perfect." I thought.
As I was about to jump, a montage of memories hit my head. Ellen's birth and how it had changed him. Her first birthday and the little cheesecake he made for her birthday party. The first time she called me "Dad". Her first day in the kindergarten and how she cried when we left her at the school that day. Her first day in the first grade. I remembered how little were Rick's hands when he was born. I couldn't wait to hold him. How he grew up. He remembered each and every day he had spent loving and caring for his children. Then the memories of my wedding hit my head all at once. How pretty she looked while walking down the aisle. How hard I had tried to convince her parents to let her marry me. How I had proposed to her. How we were deep in love. And how things had become so different, slowly.
I had made up my mind to jump but the memories stopped me from jumping. "How could you be so cruel, so selfish?" The tiny voice of reason spoke in my head. "How could you kill yourself and leave your children behind to starve? Who would look after them? Who would care for them? Who would make sure they get in the best colleges and have wonderful lives? And what about her? Don't you love her? Why would you kill yourself and leave her alone. Why would you give up on your marriage so easily? Why wouldn't you try making everything better? So what if you lost your job, you're going to get another, aren't you? You could, right? Why don't you get a new job and make your life stable and then try to convince her and make everything good again?"
The little voice that spoke in my head had cleared my head of all doubts. It had changed my mind. I wouldn't dare leave my little children alone in the world to starve and not be cared for. I wouldn't dare leaving them alone at the mercy of the world. I couldn't give up on my marriage so easily. I couldn't.
And having these thoughts, I took a deep breath. I had changed my mind. I wasn't going to comit suicide. I couldn't show cowardice when life had thrown everything at me, all at once. All of a sudden I had this little ray of hope illuminate my mind; that I could do something with my life, something positive. And that I could turn my life around.
With this decision in mind, I turned back slowly from the edge of cliff. Not seeing the slippery rock, I stepped on it. I slipped and fell to my death, deep in the river below.
I believe I'm in a better place now.