“A hopeless muffin batter”

Sunday, October 28, 2012 Amna Khalil 3 Comments Category :




 

Everybody gives off an aura, some people make you want to sketch, and some inspire you to write.
You make me want to bake.

Muffins, lots and lots of them, half because that’s the only thing I know how to make and half because you deserve muffins.
Nice people deserve muffins, don’t they?




I am impulsive , but in my impulsiveness I was true, this is as complicatedly thoughtless but the fact is that as forlorn and unaffected by you I maybe now , but in the moment that I thought about baking you muffins , in that moment I was true to that thought.
Few people can make you want to bake for them.
You were my first, the first person to evoke the baker side of me and that is the most hurtful thing. I wanted so bad to bake you the damn blackcurrant studded beauties and come prancing to you in the sunlight carrying them.


A part of me still thinks you are truly bewildered, taken away by my passion, my craze and you were just framed in all your innocence.
Your innocence was all I fell for.
Turns out, yours was just another mask.

One, twenty one guns, straight through my heart and I still don’t know what’s worth fighting for.
I thought I had come a long way from that scared kid, alone with her lunch box on the bench; I thought I had learned, grown.
Grown eviler.
Smarter.
But it’s just a smokescreen, just a decoy.
Even now, all it takes is a smile, a measly smile, to make me trip.

But that was no sunny, friendly smile.
By God, I have been frowned upon, looked down upon, but never have I ever been smiled upon like that.
It was the scariest smile that has ever been cast my way.


It was a smile that left a word hanging between us.
The word “maybe”, the million possibilities of what could be and how much it would injure if nothing were.
It was the scariest smile ever for it had subtle unmouthed suggestions that lurked deep beneath your thin lips.
Why lead me on and leave me on the crossroads?
And what about the labyrinth inside my eyes, I swear I didn’t just imagine you getting lost in them.
Through a speedy blur I have seen your eyes follow me.
You should have kept them to yourself.

I still think you deserve muffins.
But it’s a pitiful pacifier because we are two worlds apart.
I am the twisted person with an alter ego huger than you could ever manage.
You, you are one with the shy, conscious walk, the restrained manner
I am the loud, shrieking banshee; you are the calm before a storm.
Two poles apart, we are.

I thought it were words that connected us, but that is in a parallel universe.
Words don’t suffice.

I still am convinced this isn’t over but I am not one for going after charitable goods , this I tell myself again and again.
This has to end.
And I don’t know who started this but I’ll be the one to end it.
I am not doing this for my ego, but for the sake of our sanity, both yours and mine.
Mine is dependent on yours, yours on her.
One sided love is such an insult.
Time to do away with the batter, no baking today.

She doesn’t look like she can bake crap , hmph.

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3 comments

  1. this.is.awesome...and it is lyrical .Plus i caught Green Day lurking in the first few paras..
    Keep writing,wont u?

    ReplyDelete