Khusiani billi Khamba nochay!

Tuesday, May 08, 2012 Sidrah Latif 11 Comments Category :


Disclaimer: The post has been written for the purpose of a good laugh, and not at all meant to harm or disgrace anyone. Written in good will only!

Khusiani billi khamba nochay, we have oft heard about it, and quoted it as well. But when I sat down to write down this piece, this voice reverberated out to me, and I was off-set to find its cause. Startled I was, but this sound was coming deep down from the “Mariana Trench” of my brown pacific brain ;) aaaah yes you remembered the words well! They are from the prelim round of Interclass “Master-Mind” quiz!
I will begin by dissecting the word “Master-Mind”. There once lived a “Master” who sewed clothes. His tailor-mastery shop was present in the vanity area of Liberty Market right by a rang-wala. They had a pretty business together, one dying the clothes and other stitching them up. Then one day a lady came to their shop. She gave them a piece of cloth and asked them to make it into the latest chic Sana Safina’s outfit she had photographed so secretly in the designer shop. Now the rang wala was very perturbed as to how to dye the cloth the exact shade of lilac and then to spread out those little twinkles of silver and gold all over the cloth. Dyer scratched his balding head, and scratched and scratched. But the Master gee spoke up:
Bhai ye kaam to master ka hai!”
He took the cloth from dyer, wetted it in the big “kadaha” of dyer which had the left over coloured water from the morning series of dyes, and then he spread it out to dry. Then he took a toothbrush, dipped it in golden paint and started running his fingertip over the bristles. Viola! Olivia! Sebastian! Malvolio! The small dots of gold appeared so finely on the cloth. Dyer in his wonderment went down on his knees and kornished for the tailor and said to him:
“Master what a mind you have. Master-mind! Master-mind!”
The lady very next day gathered all her minions of literary society club, and told them that “Master-mind” will be the name of their next event. One of the juniors asked that what would be the event, and she told him:
“Oh we will be making damagh-ki-dahi. The sweetest of all yogurts to turn up will be the failures, and the most sour will be our winner… hahahahaha *evil-laughter*”.
And so with this was born “Inter-class MASTER-MIND quiz competition.”
As many hows were there for the organizers when organizing the event, as many whys were revolting in my mind.
Why did Namra register our team for the quiz?
Why did we  write “Sid, Iqs  and Nims” in the name slot?
Why the announcer had to announce the stupid names we wrote down for the sake of fun when she knew our original names?
Why did we get into semis?
Why oh why did you not ask me where was napoleon defeated?
Why those girls who did not answer about the writer of “Gone with the wind” are still alive? They should be brought to the gallows for it!
Why did you not ask me when did the second world wad start? Or the 100 year war was against what country?
Aaaaaand why oh why did you not ask me what Neville began teaching at Hogwarts? *takes-out-a-napkin-and-dissolves-in-tears*
But the list of whys is not nearly as long as the list of hows  battling on in the organizers’ minds was.
How can you put a porcupine and hedge-hog together and identify which is which?
How can you put two identical twins together and identify who is who?
How can you put cream and ecru napkins on the table and then tell what is what?
If the hows had been of the sort that I had mentioned above, may be we would have a chance to fare well in the quiz. But the evil hows to make the students feel inferior from Master-minds were like:
1.       Everyone reads news of a maths Gold medal winning student, no one remembers the name, let us add that as a question.
2.       Smart-*** know about Raymond Davis, let us ask the name of the person who was killed!
3.       Thanks to power-puff girls, everyone knows about medusa, hell they never thought where did the idea of “Barbie and the magic of Pegasus” came from, let us ask that.
4.       Bull’s head over a man’s body, they will all cry “Monster!” “Monster!” Let us catch them all unawares!
5.       Let us make them listen to the song, and afterwards ask them the question to identify the person whose quote was used as an idea for that song. They will all be tearing their hair out from roots.
6.        Yaaar ek fawad ki tasweer laga dete hain beech mein, jab bachay excited ho k us ka naam chilla uthen gay to unhen pakad k kahain gay disqualify kr den tumhen?answer bol dia uncha! As if no one else knew who that idiot was ;)
Next to the hows come the suppositions that lie in organizers’ minds. (Suppositions read superiority-complex-complexened-ghalat-fehmis!)

Because we all live in a free, independent, Republic, the ultimate manifestation of our freedom and independence is that we may rota-fy all the mythologies. Not stopping at Greek, go on there is something in this world called as “Norse” too, although many lay-men think it to be a cross between nose and horse!

Because we all can read English and watch English series it is mandatory for us all to remember that who was the actor’s brother’s chachi’s bhateeji’s soul-mate’s barber’s cook’s best friend.  Aw easy enough that was, no?

Because we all know that Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy won an Oscar we all should know who sneezed at the 54th Annual Academy Awards, and which is the movie whose director suffers from constipation and so the film shooting stretched on for some really constipated years.

Because we all know that Pakistan has five big rivers, which unite at Punjnad and they all fall in Arabian Sea we all should know where does the “khala” behind the Queen Elizabeth’s artificial teeth making factory drain into?

Because we all know that munni ki badnami was followed by sheela ki jawani, and the two were followed by channo and then anarkali, so we should also know that ABC Awards had XYZ as a winner in the category of Best Music Director’s manager’s water cooler assistant.

Suppositions, suppositions, suppositions, if only they were not there… That brings me to the concluding point of my ranting and raving. And that being the what ifs.

What if the quiz was conducted in a sound proof room with one team being called in at a time and a computer there just to control and ask the questions?

Or what if the quiz did not have teams separated out and questions divided into them and it was all together like neelam ghar, question tossed out to the hungry vultures and the first one to yell out the answer was given the point? This way I could have answered Malik Ghulam Muhammad! I knew that one! Really!

Or what if the marks were considered the least being the best. That way I would have won and smugly repeated about the gift voucher to everyone. Or what if Saad bhai gave the voucher to me just for being the number two fan of his writings.

Oh well, keeping aside the bout of pessimism, I still topped from bottom. Level!

RELATED POSTS

11 comments

  1. That's quite a quick feedback! The questions were actually sorted in Easy, Medium and Hard categories and we've carefully selected easy and medium ones to be added in Prelims and Semis. Yes some were tough but people did answer even that Nietzsche one :)
    Nice post btw :) we'll try adding more easy questions(although its very difficult to choose easy ones) next time :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. you just nailed it.The super uptight snob meets pop culture in all its tabloid glory !!! share your sentiments about gone with the wind + i was sorta offended when ppl didn't know about ismat chughtai.I mean we have this kickass rebel for an asset and such complete ignorance........n since it was year of minto it would've been nice including him instead of that i-am-that-famous-singer's-not-so-famous-brother

    ReplyDelete
  3. but it was a mixed up jumbled up shook up experience :P supposedly masterminds follow geniuses to their graves .Thats right Westminister Abbey Mr.newton keeping tabs on you :P n btw i lost my head so completely on being asked the capital of parague that totally forgot Alan Rickman's name.I had such a crush on Alan (n no i never referred to him as the snape guy)Now Why would they make me make such a mistake?

    ReplyDelete
  4. There is something called "THERE THERE" in a CBS season THE BIG BANG THEORY. Feel that...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Although i am neither so knowledgeable nor experienced to comment here but what i observed sitting there, among so many seniors was the level of information they shared. They(the score keepers) were answering nearly each and every question and if they could do it so could others! :) And its not like the organizers had it the easy way out by choosing some 'superiority-complex-complexened-ghalat-fehmi!'-type questions ;), they spent equal time and effort to make it a fair quiz with easy-hard calibre.. it was one's luck which set came to him. As most frequently heard expressions were like 'damn yeh mjhe ata hai. F** man yeh mjh se poch lou!! Tmhein yeh bhi nai ata, Ja yr!' (As a matter of fact boys said that on each and every question besides their own :p)
    Lol
    Thats what they call, the play of luck!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think i should sing you SOFT KITTY!

    ReplyDelete
  7. POGO dekho beta POGO.......

    ReplyDelete
  8. That is the exact point of a quiz. And life.

    You end up wishing what others get. And you wish others the same bad luck that you ended up with.


    But thank you "for being the number two fan", Sidrah.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Number one being none other than my alter ego :)

    Thanks for the wonderful insight into unfairness, feeling much better now :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. all my sympathies are with u sid... but we will do better next yr inshALLah.. Dont worry :))

    ReplyDelete