Aunty's First

Saturday, April 14, 2012 Aunty jan 7 Comments Category :

Case#1: Filmy Fysio

An extra large, upsized salaam to all you bachoongras from your Aunty jan. This week we have an anonymous subscriber to the column writing in to share a problem which quite a few of you all must be going through. Let's hear it from the horse's mouth then:

"Dear Aunty,
                     The spring break has long ended I cannot help but lament the dozen and a half tests the irksome future holds for us fistulas. A seven day academic hiatus seems nowhere to be seen with physio, biochem, anatomy, assignments and what not. I'm going bonkers, I realize. So the KAPS short video competition is looming aheadAmazing, eh? Hell Yeah. *insert a happy wala face here* But to our dismay, the physio test scheduled for the 17th leaves only so much room to hardly shoot the film, let alone edit and submit it by the 2oth. I'm pretty cool with flunking a test but oh boy, the theetas in the film, heck no. Come up with as many deceptive ploys you can to make our HOD empathize with us by postponing this stupid test to the end of April. Some help?"

Dear Anonymous,
                            Consider the case of the Platypus, the one and only egg-laying mammal we all don't really think much about. It's weird and it's creepy and it might very well be the ugliest thing on the planet, but it sure as hell knows the right buttons to push in order to survive. By embracing its deviance and by encompassing the best of both worlds, our ugly little friend has made it impossible for itself to become extinct or endangered. It'll be around for millions and millions of years, while Mummy Nature brings down the axe on everything she can lay her hungry hands on in the next million years. Ugliness is no Cinderella but it sure knows the right fairy godmothers to contact, no? 

     To cut the crap, don't sweat the small stuff, man! Aunty jee knows the heaving bitterness that comes with the end of vacation and the trail of barely-touched time-tables it entails. Thou shall not open a book in the vacation. Ever! Even if you were chained to your bedpost in a room full of crocodiles and your only way of escape was written in a text-book.(Don't try this at home, honey) So, my brave little nincompoop, if you're cool, as you put it, with flunking a test now, you should be cooler still with flunking it at the end of April. Or, you could very well study your eyeballs out secretly and then ace the test and give these theetas reasons to look up to you(and maybe hate you just a teeny weeny bit) for the rest of their sad lives. Make this a win-win, my dear Platypus. Do your thing. And do it well.

 Go make that video. Have a heck of a time. Pull all-nighters, shoot, screen, edit like crazy for the next few days.Make sure it's perfect and make sure you and your boys love every inch of it when it's done. Because when it's up there on the screen on the big day, with about a hundred shining faces turned toward it and with a hundred hands coming together in one big, booming round of applause, trust me, that one moment would be worth a thousand Physio tests. (But ofcourse you'd have to study your guts out after that. No getting around that, I'm afraid!)
   Make us proud, you! Aunty jee will be there on your big day to see the magic happen. Keep me posted!

Aunty jan.



  1. Hai Allah ! What crap seriously !

  2. @ Anonymous, you are more than welcome to come up with better stuff and have it featured.
    Oh and by then.. come up with a better name as well. There's just too many of these! And if you have a how-to-show-your-face-to-the-world problem, may be you should consider getting a life*. :)
    *or ofcourse mail Aunty Jan for that :p

  3. lol hahaha aunty ge. u r not uncool..btw where did u learn all that trash talk? North nazimabad or the bronx itself ?? :p no offence though,this advice feature's a gr8 thng u've come up wid!

  4. lol :P loved the reply...the prob was shit :P best part, u callled him a platypus :D

  5. After this first and brief encounter with you aunti ji, I find it hard to hold back the urge to stand up and sing:
    "Aunti ji aunti ji! I am your fan ;) "
    I must say you retaliate even better than you advise!

  6. and for the record platypus is not the only egg laying mammal. :p

  7. Dear dear! You children can be brutal! KELS sweetie, that is no way to talk to a guest reader! For all you know, your aunty jan may very well be posting Anonymous comments on her own posts to make herself feel better! Weirder things have happened, you know! A case in point would be the Australian aunt-eaters which failed to make it to Aunty jan's list of random things which lay eggs and produce milk. Aunts may be tiny and gross and weak, but they're people too and nobody should be allowed to eat them, whatever their biological copyrights may be!